Living Reconciled
Living Reconciled, hosted by Mission Mississippi, is a podcast dedicated to exploring reconciliation and the Gospel that enables us to live it out. Mission Mississippi has been leading the way in racial reconciliation in Mississippi for 31 years. Our model is to bring people together to build relationships across racial lines so they can work together to better their communities. Our mission is to encourage and demonstrate grace in the Body of Christ across racial lines so that communities throughout Mississippi can see practical evidence of the gospel message.
Living Reconciled
EP. 70: Justice and Healing with Felecia Marshall
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In this episode of Living Reconciled, we talk with Felecia Marshall about her journey through grief after the murder of her daughter, Alexia. She shares how faith transformed her pain into purpose, leading to the creation of Grant Me Justice, a nonprofit supporting families affected by violent crime. Felicia’s story is a powerful reminder of forgiveness, empathy, and the fight for justice. Join us for this moving conversation about healing and hope.
Special thanks to our sponsors:
Nissan, St. Dominic's Hospital, Atmos Energy, Regions Foundation, Mississippi College, Anderson United Methodist Church, Grace Temple Church, Mississippi State University, Real Christian Foundation, Brown Missionary Baptist Church, Christian Life Church, Ms. Doris Powell, Mr. Robert Ward, and Ms. Ann Winters.
This is Living Reconciled, a podcast dedicated to giving our communities practical evidence of the gospel message by helping Christians learn how to live in the reconciliation that Jesus has already secured for us by living with grace across racial lines.
Speaker 2:Hey, thanks so much for joining us on this episode of Living Reconciled, episode 70. I'm your host, brian Crawford, and I am with my good and incredible friends Nettie Winters, austin Hoyle. Gentlemen, how are you doing?
Speaker 3:I'm great, I'm excited about being incredible friends. Man, I understand that that's an integral part of your life to be an incredible friend.
Speaker 2:Thank you. It's a very special place in my heart that gives me the privilege to call you an incredible friend, Austin. How about yourself? Are you just happy to be my incredible friend today?
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, I mean, unless you're just saying it, you don't mean it. But you know, I know you, I know you mean it, I mean it.
Speaker 2:I mean it, you are. You're an incredible friend. Good friend, Good friend, but I want to also talk about some other good friends sponsors like Mississippi College and Anderson United Methodist Church and Grace Temple Church, Mississippi State University, Real Christian Foundation, Nissan, St Dominic's Hospital, Atmos Energy Regions Foundation, Brown Missionary Baptist Church, Christian Life Church and Ms Doris Powell, Mr Robert Ward and Ms Ann Winters. Thank you so much for everything that you do. It's because of what you do that we're able to do what we do. In fact, if you would like to join this incredible list of friends by sponsoring Mission Mississippi and this Living Reconciled podcast, you can do so in a very easy way Just visit missionmississippiorg.
Speaker 2:Click on the button at the top right corner that says invest, and you, too, will be investing in the work of reconciliation, investing in this podcast and investing in episodes like today, an episode that I'm incredibly excited about because we have a really, really, really good guest, Our incredible guest and friend from Grant Me Justice. She is the executive director of Grant Me Justice, which you will hear all about. Miss Felicia Marshall. Ma'am, how are you doing today?
Speaker 5:Oh, I'm incredible. I feel incredible today. Marshall ma'am, how are you doing today? Oh, I feel incredible today. I don't know what it is, but I feel really really good today and grateful, I guess, to be called a friend as well, Grateful to be here, Really am.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, absolutely Well. We're grateful to have you and your story, by the way, is an incredible one, by the way, is an incredible one, and so I can't wait to unpack your story with our listening audience, because I believe there's so much fruit for our audience in your testimony and your story that is just filled with all sorts of grace and all sorts of inspiration for us as we think about this Christian journey and this Christian walk. If you don't mind, Felicia, why don't you just start us off with telling us a little bit of a story that maybe other people have heard about this journey, but maybe some of our listening audience has not heard? How did the Lord bring you to this place where you're leading this organization called Grant Me Justice?
Speaker 5:Well, my name is Felicia Marshall, and what brought me to this place in space? My daughter was murdered on March 14, 2017. And there were three people that were actually convicted for Lexi's murder. It took three years to go through the criminal justice system. There were three people that were actually convicted for Lexi's murder. It took three years to go through the criminal justice system and out of that came plea deals. Each individual were given an opportunity to plea out. One received 15 years, one 12. And one actually received five years but only served two and a half years. Five years but only served two and a half years.
Speaker 5:And I walked away that day really, really heartbroken, because I felt like my daughter's life did not matter. I felt like the people that I thought would represent me in the courtroom did not, and I felt like I was raped by the system, and I left that day also thinking that there were probably other people like me you know, moms that have gone through the criminal justice system. It had taken that long out of my life in that process, grieving as I'm fighting and I wanted to find those people that felt the same way that I did, and actually what I first started doing was interviewing people. I just wanted to find those people, whoever they were, that had lost their children, specifically mothers at that particular time that had lost their children to violence. And I put out a call and the first one was a family from Jeff Davis County. I met with the mother and dad. The dad had actually found his son murdered, with two gunshot wounds to the head, and his story really, really just blew my mind because his dad said after finding his son that although he knew he was deceased, he put the son in his vehicle and took him to the hospital and he said that he talked to his son the entire way and to me it just shows the depths of hurt and pain and also it's still unbelievable. Although we know that our children are deceased, it still doesn't feel real.
Speaker 5:And the dad had to break the news to the mother and they talked about all of the details, the graphic details of a murder that many people, because they haven't experienced this thing, they don't really know and it seems as if they don't really care. But this family talked about the fact that the funeral home had to put her son's head back together. We walked to the grave site and the dad talked about how he visited his son every day, how he comes by and makes sure that grave is clean. The mom kind of danced between present tense and past tense. She talked as if her son was going to walk down the stairs, and that just blew my mind.
Speaker 5:It also blew my mind, too, that I was able to sit with them with empathy, without falling apart, and so I knew that that was a God thing. I knew that wasn't me. That was a God thing, and I could identify somewhat with the pain that this family was experiencing. And so I left that day knowing that Grant Me Justice it wasn't called Grant Me Justice at that particular time, but I knew that what I was doing would be more, way more than just telling stories, and I knew that a family that had witnessed this thing with their eyes needed more. You know, these are believers, this family is a faithful family, faith-filled family, and I talked about. You know that God is going to make sense out of this thing. But at the same time, they still had this huge hole in their hearts, right, yeah? And so I knew that leaving there, grant Grammy Justice would, number one, provide counseling for families that had experienced this type of trauma.
Speaker 2:When you, when you talk about this journey, felicia, it sounds almost Like the Lord thrusted you into this, into this work, this advocacy. Work in in, in one sense as a as a help to others, but in another sense, as a aid and a help to you. I would love for you to help us process that a little bit more, because when people think about forgiveness and grief in moments like these, it's incredibly. It seems like it's almost impossible to actually navigate. What did the process of moving from grief, mourning, resentment to mercy, forgiveness and hope look like for you on this journey?
Speaker 5:I went into the courtroom you know one person and I came out a totally different person.
Speaker 5:And I say that because I feel like I had this false sense of what being a believer really was, what forgiveness really meant. And when I was able to go through the courtroom, one of the plea deals was this young man, and this young, the lady, was sitting next to me and she was weeping. Like why is this lady weeping? This is no one that's related to me, but she was the mother of one of the defendants and what is the likelihood of God placing us side by side?
Speaker 5:And there I realized that what forgiveness really is and what Christ had done and the fact that he died for those people that were responsible for my child's death. And I went in with a false sense of Christianity, prideful in the fact that I didn't think this thing should have been mine, and now being able to truly see what Christ had done and the fact that, as a believer, I'm called to forgive these people. You know, I am called for those people that were standing there, that were responsible for my child's death. Although I was seeking justice for my baby, I also wanted them to have an opportunity to know the same person that I knew that had forgiven me for all of the low down things I had done, and I walked out a different, a different lady, a different believer, a different Christian.
Speaker 4:I walked out, really being able to resonate with what Christ had done for me Wow, yeah, wow, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, when you say that you were called to to forgive, what did that look like for you Practically? What were some of the steps that you felt like you needed to take Was? Was it an immediate? Was it a struggle?
Speaker 5:Did you have moments where you kind of resisted that call? To be honest, it was not hard. It wasn't hard, of course. My life, um, I've had to forgive people for things hard things all of my life. And and this was another hard thing that I had to forgive people for I was never angry with the people that were responsible for. I never understood why they took my daughter's life, but I was never angry with them. I did want justice, though. I did want them to pay for what they did, but forgiveness for them was never hard.
Speaker 5:As a matter of fact, I tried to establish a relationship with the mother and I was asking questions about the son, and the mother, I don't think, understood why, what my motive was to know about her son and to wish her son well. She, she, she couldn't even understand that. But again, that that wasn't a thing that I did. I don't think that I did on my own. That was the presence of God, that that was working within me. Um, you know, I've said from day one that I think that this thing, although I miss my baby, god called me to this work right and in the midst of him calling me to this, he had to prepare me for it right, and I think I have to set the example, because everybody that has lost a child to violence doesn't feel the way that I feel. They don't and I don't expect them to. But I do have to set an example because behind everything that we do is to share the gospel with people. I want people to know the joy that I have in Christ Jesus, outside of the resources that we are providing to families. I want them to trust me enough that I'm able to sit down with them and share with them the truth of the gospel that sets people free and they're free indeed, whether behind bars or not. I want to be able to share my hope in Christ Jesus. So, with God preparing me for that, I, you know, I didn't tell the whole story because there was at the very beginning.
Speaker 5:I couldn't even speak to God, like I couldn't pray. I couldn't understand I knew God to be sovereign and why he did not stop this thing from happening to my baby. I had no words for him and I felt like he left that. He just, you know, this thing happened and I couldn't hear from him anymore and he just left the scene and left me with this thing to bear. But in the midst of that thing and me trying to figure out how he can make this thing out for my good, god showed himself to be God to me, really God to me, faithful, present, ever-present, redeeming God. And I think I had to go through that process in order to really have a right relationship with God, for God to really know me and I know him Because I don't think I really knew him prior to then. I had religion, but I don't think I really knew him prior to going through this process.
Speaker 2:Yeah, when I hear those words, felicia, I'm reminded of Paul in his letter to the philippians, where he says I want to know you in the, the power of your resurrection and in the fellowship of your sufferings. And there's, there's a sense in which we, there's a depth to our knowledge that comes, uh, only only through pain. It's a very unfortunate and very uncomfortable thing to say, um, but in 20, 20 plus years of Christianity, now watching it and experiencing it, um, I can testify with, with assurance and clarity that there's just a depth of knowledge that only comes through pain. And so it's, man, it's incredible to bear, it's tough to bear. Just even hearing your own story is drumming up some of the emotions of my past experiences and the past experiences that I've watched and observed, and brothers and sisters all around me, just of a pain in how God was able to do something, A Romans eight work, like you mentioned where he's working, working things out for our good, those that love him and are called according to his purpose.
Speaker 2:And so we're just incredibly encouraged by, by, by your story and by your resolve and by your faithfulness to the call to not just simply grow in your tragedy, but also help others grow as well. Mr Winters, man, jump in. I know you probably got some thoughts and some wisdom, some sage wisdom, to share.
Speaker 3:Oh, she talked about, you know, having religion. You know I jumped on that right away and versus Christianity and that during this process, how she went from religion to Christianity, and so that just been resonating in my heart and my spirit. And so if you're going to speak to the audience, as you do, felicia, tell me how you help with that transition. I don't know if it was a transition, is the right word, or awakening, or what that is in terms of transformation taking place from being a religious person going to church. I'm thinking you got what you need and then when something happens, it changes everything. Hey, help me with that a little bit. I'm falling a little bit.
Speaker 5:Again, my journey through the criminal justice system was a three-year journey, right, and so what God did in my life wasn't something that happened overnight. It was a gradual thing, and what God really really showed me was grace, what grace really really means, and he showed me that by allowing me, number one, to be merciful for the people that were responsible for me and to recognize this. You know, Christ went through a trial.
Speaker 2:Wow, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 5:You know, he went through a trial and I felt myself going, you know, being there, you know, and watching the fact that Christ had gone through a trial, that he was not guilty he was not guilty and but allowing me to see that process, of what that process looks like, and allowing me to look across the table, because the other thing about that was the fact that I could have easily been on the other side of the table. Right, I have a son, who has not always made the right decisions, who could have easily been on the other side of the table, and one of the young men was the same age as my son, and as I was sitting there, the question I had to ask myself was if this was my son's name is Jermaine. If this was Jermaine, would you be here? Yes, I would be here, I would show up for my son. If this was my son, I would show up. I would want him to take responsibility for what he did, but I also would want him to get the justice that he deserved. And I also, even in the midst of that, I would also want mercy, you know, because I think it's one, it could be one decision away from doing something really, really stupid Right that could change everybody's life.
Speaker 5:And I was allowed to super in my mind, at least supernaturally, see this thing as it was unfolding before me. You know, what is the likelihood of this one of these young men being the same age as my son and this young man turning to me and addressing me and asking me for forgiveness? And what is the likelihood of me sitting next to this mom who's also standing in the gap for her son? And what is the likelihood for me standing before these judges, pouring my heart out to these judges asking for justice? And I saw this whole thing. Now I'm a special kind of girl, but I saw this whole thing as being God-ordained, preparing me for this work.
Speaker 5:At the time I didn't know that right, but looking back at it I said you know, god has prepared me for this work, a work that I couldn't have ever chosen. I wouldn't have chosen this thing and never in a million years would I have thought I would be here today and watching how God is faithful to his word, that he's close to the broken heart, he's near to the broken heart, and just watching how God has provided and how God has comforted, how God has loved on how he's been near to, how he sent people here to love and share the gospel and the hand of God with people that are hurting. He says as when we've done to the least of these, we've done also unto him, and I see these people as hurting people and being a part of the least of these people that people look over, a part of the least of these things, people that people look over and I feel like every time I'm in their presence, I'm in the presence of God. I just feel like and I'm in God's work. This is his work and I'm in the middle of his work. I'm just a vessel. God just used my circumstances to be able to be a blessing to other people and I'm so incredibly blessed that God chose me.
Speaker 5:I miss my baby. I miss her, but I really do feel like I'm in the perfect will of God, perfect will of God, and I feel like I was born for this thing, created for this thing. I feel like I was born for this thing, created for this thing, and I believe that I'll see my daughter again. I believe she loved the Lord, you know. I believe that she had accepted Christ as her savior. So my hope is, according to the record is that I'll be able to see her again. Right, that's my hope in Christ Jesus, that we'll be able to worship the Lord together.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:And so that's.
Speaker 2:That's that's where my my tragedy has has ended up in God's mission, how you were able to place Jermaine in the seat of those that murdered your son and humanize those that murdered your son. Our theme this year is about image bearing, living reconciled by seeing the image of God in others, and certainly this is a story in which that takes on a whole new level of meaning and significance. You know, I'm reminded of Paul, and in Acts seven, being the one that they, they, the the tormentors of of Stephen, laid their clothes in testimony of their torment at the feet of Paul. And it was, and it was Paul that God rescued in Acts nine by by saving him and showed him marvelous grace. And, and I heard, I heard a pastor say years ago does your gospel make room for a tormentor and a terrorist? As he was preaching through, uh, the passage, the testimony of Paul, does your gospel make room for a tormentor and a terrorist? And if it doesn't make room for a tormentor and a terrorist?
Speaker 2:And if it doesn't make room for a tormentor and a terrorist, then it's not the true gospel, and that just it stuck with me and hearing what you're describing just kind of brings that back up to the surface again. Does your gospel make room for a murderer? Does your gospel make room for people that have gunned down others? And Felicia, your gospel makes room for a murderer. Does your gospel make room for people that have gunned down others? And Felicia, your gospel makes room for that. It's incredible. Let me ask you this question. You've talked about the journey through the system and three years dealing with the justice system and not always finding comfort in how things were being handled as a critique, but as a way for us to come alongside those that are serving in the system and come alongside those that have to go through the system to be of better service to them.
Speaker 5:I think the public needs to be aware and they probably are that the system is broken, right, and it's broken because it's held up by broken people. It's not perfect. Our system is not perfect when we look from the perspective of the victim. The judicial system, the criminal justice system, is really centered around the defendant. The defendant, once he's arrested, is read his rights right. You have the right to remain sighted and all of the good stuff that he's arrested is read his rights right. You have the right to remain sighted and all the good stuff that he's read and he's he's. He's given the opportunity to have a, an appointed attorney, and that to be appointed by the state right.
Speaker 5:But the victim does not. The victim has to request rights rights to be heard, rights to be informed, rights to be present. You know we have to request that and many of us don't know that. You know you walk into a courtroom at least I did. You walk into the courtroom thinking you have the upper hand because you are the victim. But the victim does not have the upper hand. When the the court proceedings start, it is the state of Mississippi, or whatever state it is against the defendant, it's not Alexia Buckhalter against the defendant, and so the state of Mississippi is going to act. In the best interest of who? The state of Mississippi, not me?
Speaker 5:And so with that, many times families walk away with what I did a plea deal and that's not, in my opinion, what many families desire, because we don't feel like our children's lives matter. Let's say it was 26 years old when she was murdered. She had a three-year-old daughter when she was murdered. She had a three-year-old daughter when she was murdered, and so when you look at the value of life, in my opinion that was placed on my daughter's life, it doesn't measure up. It doesn't measure up that you give somebody five years for their participation in a murder. That doesn't make sense, nor 12 years, nor 15 years. That does not make sense to me. It makes sense. Nor 12 years, nor 15 years. That does not make sense to me. But it is our system, right, it is our judicial system. If you had asked me what my desire would have been, I would have desired to go through the judicial process, go to court and let the courts decide. But of course, many times there is not a court proceeding because it costs money and for the state, the state is going to act on behalf of the state, and so many times we walk away, you know, with these plea deals, because of saving money.
Speaker 5:Now, most people don't feel the way that I feel, you know. I can walk away with that, knowing that God is my Avenger. He's going to avenge me. I can walk away with that, knowing that, you know. But I still have a responsibility to seek justice here because God is a God of justice. So I still have a responsibility to seek justice here because God is a God of justice. So I still have a responsibility to seek justice here. But I can still walk away knowing that if I don't get it here, if I don't get justice here, then I can depend on my God to work on my behalf. We have a lot of, you know. We talk about reform. We have a lot of work to do in regards to judicial reform. There are people behind the bar, behind bars, that do not deserve to be there. There are, we know that. But there are also people that are walking out here that should not be here either, and we need to be mindful of that.
Speaker 3:We need to be, mindful of that.
Speaker 3:You know, felicia, you talk about the value of your daughter's life, which is practice. There's no value you can put on a human life, in a sense. But now, what would justice look like as it relates to the value of the people? And I think you touched on this a little bit. You might have kept on it all altogether, but you talk about the value of the three people and how you became, look at them, different. And so you know, how do you?
Speaker 3:You know we have a lot of things in the reconciliation movement talks about whose lives value more, and this goes way beyond just what you know. We get in arguments about blue lives, white lives, black lives and all of those lives and things. And, coach, my perspective is that every life is purchased in the sight of God. It's His image and likeness, as Brian has said earlier. So how do we navigate in circumstances like that? What would have if you'd have gone through the court system and somehow, you know, in past years has been the OJs of the world and others, and what would that look like? How could you satisfy that, that thirst for justice? What did that mean in terms of justice?
Speaker 3:Some says you can't have reconciliation unless you have justice and all of those things take place in terms of that forgiveness and justice and all that has to take place If you get justice. I guess I'm rambling here, you know, most privilege. You might have to rescue us out of this, but you know I'm rounding because that's a, that's a deep discussion and maybe even an unfair question, felicia as that. So you know, do your best and and and hopefully Austin and Brian will help us out in that- oh, I'll save you the next question, Nettie.
Speaker 5:Well, our crime called for 40 years and again my response to it is different from other people. I felt this is how I felt as, going through the process, I was going to do everything I could to seek justice for Lexi and I wanted her to go through the judicial process, go through the courts and let the court decide. If the courts had decided that they want free, I would have been good with that because they had gone through the process and a juror of their peers would have made that decision. I would have done that. That was the thing.
Speaker 5:When you go before the judge, the judge says I have the right to either accept or deny this plea, Right? You go before the judge. The judge says I have the right to either accept or deny this plea. Ok. So then they ask for testimonies from the family to come before and give your testimony of your loss, for testimonies from the family to come before and give your testimony of your loss. So you go before the judge and you pour out everything, and there were times when I couldn't even stand at the podium.
Speaker 5:That's how emotional this is. My daughter was killed with an AK-47 assault rifle, an automatic weapon. The bullet went through my daughter's heart. So my daughter's body didn't just have a hole in it, my daughter's body was mutilated. So when I go before the judge and I tell the judge my story, I at least want you to be able to empathize with the fact that this is what happened to my baby and this does not deserve a slap on the hand. Do you realize that people that are convicted of drugs get 40 years many times they get 40 years, whereas a person that's convicted of a murder can walk out with 15 years or five years?
Speaker 3:To serve two and a half years.
Speaker 5:And serve two and a half years. Yeah, it's just not balanced.
Speaker 2:I was just about to say that You're speaking to. The imbalance is what you're speaking to?
Speaker 5:Yeah, you see the scale as the symbol, but it's not balanced. The scale is just not balanced.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 5:It's just not balanced. So what does justice look like for different people? Different, you know, it all depends. I had one mom who went through the judicial process, who actually went through court. They received the young man received 30 years, and the mother was not satisfied with 30 years, right, but you have other people in the background saying, girl, you need to be happy with 30 years. I only got four years or five years or whatever the case may be, but for 30 years that was not enough for her. Why? Because she heard her baby being murdered.
Speaker 5:She heard her being murdered and when she got her body back, she only got the bones of her body, just the bones. So to her 30 years was not enough, I think, the thing in regards to victims. We just want to be included as part of the process. Just let me share with you what my wishes are. At least take those under consideration and take under consideration all of the pieces and parts to this murder. Just think about the fact of a young man, 21 years old, who has been with two gunshot wounds to his head. Think about those details and you know why it doesn't matter so much to a lot of these people, because it's not them.
Speaker 3:Yeah, oh, jesus, ouch.
Speaker 5:It's not them. If you ever get a call or ever visit a crime scene where a body has been mutilated by an assault rifle, we're not talking about .22s like they used to do a 9mm back in the day. They're not using those anymore. What do you tell a young lady that has lost a son that's 12 years old to murder 68-year-old grandmother just last week going home? She's going home and she's murdered.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 5:In her own home. We just want them to take it a bit more seriously and to look at the fact that there are some traumatic effects of gun violence in our community and victims should be taken more seriously than we are. We need people to really fight for the rights of victims.
Speaker 3:You know, felicia, I get a sense now of what I heard you say early on about victim Because in essence, at the end of the day, we all become victims of needless crimes like that. But you know, the view most people have of the court system I know I do is that a plaintiff and a defendant at each side get to present their case. Well, you know you don't have that in cases like you're talking about and most people don't see that. They see the OJ trial. You know where there's, he's on trial and his lawyers get an opportunity to present the case and you know whether he's in. Somebody's got to make a determination, whether or not enough evidence was there to convict them. And so we see the pair of masons and the matlocks of the world and all of that stuff. But wow, because I just went immediately to when you say that Jesus went through a trial.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You know, I've heard they hung him high, they stretched him wide, they did all kinds of things to him at that cross, but very few people really actually walked from the day he was arrested to the point that he was found guilty and sentenced to death by the cross. Trumped up charges.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And you know, and certainly that was not a defense. I mean, you know, nobody was there to defend him, everybody showed up there on the side of the government or the state to execute him. Everybody showed up there on the side of the government or the state to execute him and, of course, the king in that case. I mean, the judge in that case was the king, and so whatever the people wanted, he granted them.
Speaker 2:You know I'm reminded too, hearing what you just mentioned, felicia. I'm reminded of the Gospel of Luke, where Jesus heals the man with the withered hand, but before he heals him, he has him on the Sabbath, because there's grumblings about Jesus wanting to do this good thing on the Sabbath and heal a man who needs rest on the day of rest. And before he heals him, he has him stand up in front of everybody. He forces them to look at his suffering, he forces the audience to look at his pain, because there's rumbling amongst them oh, why is he doing this, why is he doing that? And he forces them to look at him, almost as if to say you know, this is a technicality for you guys, this is all philosophy and theology and dogma, andity for you guys, this is this is all philosophy and theology and and dogma and doctrine for you, but, but for him this is personal.
Speaker 3:This is deeply personal.
Speaker 2:You can't get it more personal than that Right, right and so, and so you know, when I hear you describing these things, it's like we can get caught in the technicalities of it all, as Nettie mentioned. Plaintiff defendant, you know law X, y, z, but but what you're saying and what you're saying, and you serving as all, as a voice for those, for the, for the, for those that don't oftentimes feel like they have a voice in these matters, what you're saying is hey, these are people and we need you to look at them, we need you to see those, we need you to remember those mutilated bodies.
Speaker 2:We need you to remember those gunshots to the head of a 12-year-old. We need you to remember that that 68-year-old grandmother was a grandmother and a mother, and she was a community staple, a community pillar.
Speaker 2:We need you to see them in the midst of this, and so there's something powerful when you're able to actually challenge people, to see people beyond the technicalities and beyond the statistics and start identifying them as real people, as people that could have very well been them. There's something incredibly powerful about that. Felicia man, this has been an incredible interview. Austin, I know you got a question man, so jump in and we'll try to wrap up here.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, I was just going to say, Felicia, listening to your story reminds me a lot about Habakkuk, because when he looked around and he saw violence and justice and people doing wrong and getting away with it, he cried out and this is Habakkuk 1-2,. How long Lord, how long do I have?
Speaker 4:to call for help and you don't listen. How long do I have to shout violence and you don't save Habakkuk? He wanted justice, he wanted things to be made right, but when God answered him it wasn't what he expected. God basically told him I'm doing something you wouldn't believe, even if I told you, or less, what the message he got. And that really does feel a lot about what you've walked through and you're helping a lot of other people walk through. You've been through just an arduous system and everything you absolutely could do for Lexi.
Speaker 4:And you said that if the court had let them go free, you would have been good with that because it would have been all out there presence. And that's really not how most people think about justice. Most people think justice means punishment, that it means making sure that somebody pays. But you've talked about seeing those three young people very differently, about your perspective shifting, and that's not just justice, I don't think. I think it's something a lot deeper than just justice. I mean. So how do you hold all that together? I mean that's a remarkable thing to hold together. That is that tension, my goodness, when people say you can't have reconciliation without justice, what does that mean? Because Habakkuk, he never saw everything made right the way that he wanted, but he still got to a place where he could say yet I will rejoin the Lord. That's that's kind of my concluding summary thoughts of just the story and what I've been able to listen thus far and you know how long Lord you know, is still stuck in that moment.
Speaker 2:It feels moment it feels this is incredibly heavy, but I do want to, I do want to lift it into the, into higher heights of what you're doing, and and and give you an opportunity, felicia, to talk a little bit about your work, in particular now, today, because you've you've turned your, your pain and your grief into very deliberate and direct purpose. So what advice do you? Talk to us a little bit about the work that you're doing today in particular, but also talk to us a little bit about the advice that you would give someone who is trying to wrestle with pain you know, maybe even pain and racial healing, and maybe pain and justice and they and they don't know where to start and where to begin.
Speaker 2:So talk to us a little bit about your work and then give us some advice for people who are kind of spinning their wheels just trying to make sense of all the hurt, pain that they're experiencing experience since we um Remedy Justice.
Speaker 5:What we, what we desired to do, was when I walked out of the criminal justice system, I wanted families to be healed holistically and I knew that the number one thing that I, that people, would need, would be the hope in Christ Jesus. But I knew that I wouldn't always be able to present that to them initially and I knew that there were tangible needs that they needed here. So what Grammy Justice does is the desire is for holistic healing emotional, physical and financial. So we provide. We have three components. The first is advocacy, and that's just preparing families when they get ready to go into the courtroom, that they make sure that they complete their form to request their rights. We make sure that they complete the form for the benefits through the attorney general's office and we make sure that they know what's going to happen when they get into the courtroom.
Speaker 5:So advocacy is the first part. The second part is awareness, and that's just keeping the community abreast of the effects of homicide in our communities. Each year in Mississippi we lose over 800 lives to murder. In Jackson last year we lost 111 lives. Now the statistics show that there's a trend, a downtrend of murders, but we still have had over 100 murders every year in the past five years, and also we're still rated number one in regards to murder per capita in the nation, we're still number one.
Speaker 5:So we don't have anything to celebrate, in my opinion, because any life lost is a life lost and our community, I think, is devastated by just one loss. Also, the attorney general, I mean, I'm sorry. The auditor, state auditor did a research a couple of years ago that said that each murder cost us between nine and $1.2 million. Each murder cost us between $900,000 and $1.2 billion. That's a lot of money. That also tells us that murder is profitable. It's profitable.
Speaker 5:So we have to kind of think about that, the fact that why do we have so many murders? What can we do to prevent some of the murders? Why is it so easy for a 15-year-old to get an AK-7 assault rifle? Why is that? Why is it so readily available? What are the motivations behind murder and what can we do about those things, motivations behind murder and what can we do about those things? So advocacy, awareness, and then we have allies and direct support and we provide group support to our families. We even provide financial support If there's people that need housing needs or utility payments. We've done that. We've helped with burial costs. Just imagine a family that's already broken and you pile onto that a criminal justice system and a homicide, and just imagine the toll that that must have on a family. Just think about a mom that has lost three of her children to murder, three Under the age of 18. It's hard for her, in my opinion, to get back to it, to get to work, because you have three anniversaries, three birthdays three everythings.
Speaker 5:That's a constant reminder of what you don't have.
Speaker 5:So, we want to be that safe place for families of homicide. And we now, which I'm super excited about we've started a ministry just to men. We didn't do that in the past, but there was a man that showed up and said no one is doing anything for us. We've lost our children too. What can you do to help us? And so we're excited about what God is doing through that and just drawing men to himself, and that's been exciting.
Speaker 5:What I would tell someone that is going through this process? I would tell number one that you can be honest with God, you can pour out your heart to him, you can lay your head on his lap and tell him all about it. And then I would tell that person to trust him to do it, trust him to comfort, trust him to lead, trust him to even answer Cause I don't think we would think he's going to comfort. Trust him to lead, trust him to even answer because I don't think we think he's going to answer and to trust that he's going to be present. He's going to be present in the midst of, even in this turmoil, even if we can't see or feel him. Trust him to be present, so, and just be encouraged. Trust him to be present. So, and just be encouraged, god is a lifter. I think we forget that he is a lifter and he's close to near the broken hearted. That's what I want to tell them Amen Amen.
Speaker 2:Amen, amen, dear sister, thank you so very much for sharing, thank you, your story're. We're better for it. We're better for it, and I know you've mentioned on several, several occasions that that you miss your daughter. But you understand, um, that god has done a work, even in your life, uh, through through the pain, and I can just tell you in just 45 minutes, he's done a work in all of ours through your story of pain, and so thank you for the work that you do.
Speaker 2:We are incredibly enriched and encouraged as a result of it. How can people keep up with Felicia Marshall and Grant Me Justice?
Speaker 5:I just want to mention that it's coming up on eight years and it seems like it was just yesterday. But to get in contact with us, our website is wwwgrantmejusticeorg. You can go there and you can see all of the work that we are doing. My telephone number is 601-540-2817. And you can email me at fmarshall at grantmejusticeorg. I also want to end with saying to God be the glory for what he has done. He has done an awesome work in my life.
Speaker 3:I need you to repeat all of that you just said, because you did it so fast I couldn't even get it, and I know I ordered you to come and get it. But go to that website, that telephone number, that email and talk as you're talking to grandmama, all right, OK, the website is grandma grantmejusticeorg.
Speaker 5:My telephone number is 601-540-2817. And my email address, mr Winters, is fmarshall at grantmejusticeorg.
Speaker 3:Thank you so much. Thank you so much, Felicia. Thank you for helping Grandpa Appreciate it.
Speaker 2:Thank you for helping Grandpa Felicia. Well, can you tell us a little bit about the upcoming gala as well?
Speaker 5:Yes, I'm so excited. This is our first fundraising gala that we've done and you know God has done. This is our first fundraising gala. It's on March the 15th, which is a day after the eighth anniversary of Lex's death. It's going to be at the Western Hotel. It's at 6 pm and we invite everybody to come. For the information you can go to wwwgrantmejusticeorg and all of the information is there.
Speaker 3:You hear that, grandma, you can get it all on the website wwwgrantmejusticeorg. Grandmama got it.
Speaker 2:So again, Ms Marshall.
Speaker 2:What a privilege, what a privilege and a pleasure to sit with you to hear you share all that you have shared on today. We are enriched as a result of it. So thank you so much and for our audience, feel free to continue to listen to not only incredible stories like this, but we have many others on our podcast. You can subscribe by going to Living Reconciled on any podcast app and you'll find us. We are 70 episodes in with great stories of reconciliation like the one that we just heard today. So feel free to subscribe, but also like episodes and also share episodes with your friends and family and coworkers and church members. We would greatly, greatly appreciate it. It's been a privilege and a pleasure to spend some time with Ms Felicia Marshall. On behalf of Nettie Winters, austin Hoyle. I am Brian Crawford. We're all signing off saying God bless.
Speaker 3:God bless, god bless, thank y'all.
Speaker 1:Thanks for joining Living Reconciled. If you would like more information on how you can be a part of the ongoing work of helping Christians learn how to live in the reconciliation that Jesus has already secured, please visit us online at missionmississippiorg or call us at 601-353-6477. Thanks again for listening.
